Written By: Harshita Mansukhani
One's childhood has a great impact on their relationships. People's early experiences shapetheir beliefs about the world. It decides whether the world is a safe place for them or a dangerous and unsafe one. People with childhood trauma tend to have more negative experiences with relationships. When the people we depended on for our survival hurt us, either physically or mentally, or were absent, we tend to perceive relationships in a similar way, believing everyone would hurt us the same way. On the other hand, when our caregivers are emotionally and physically present for us in childhood, we have an entirely positive outlook towards relationships. Also our childhood relationships greatly affect the types of attachments we form and this is where the attachment theory comes into play. The theory states the path our adult relationships mirror the bonds we had with our primary caregivers and there are 4 types of attachments based on that:
SECURE ATTACHMENT CHARACTERISTICS
Parents of such people tend to play more of a role in a children's upbringing and needs. They are more responsive, also quick to respond to their child's needs. Such children find comfort in the presence of their parents and become visibly upset when the parent is away but regains the comfort when they are back. They tend to be closer to their parents. Such individuals, when adults have more long lasting relationships, have more sense of self esteem. They share their feelings with their partner and friends and tend to seek social support. Also, such children tend to be less aggressive and more mature.
AMBIVALENT ATTACHMENT CHARACTERISTICS
These children show great distress when separated from the parent or caregiver but do not seem to get comforted when they return. They are highly suspicious of strangers and feel uncomfortable in the presence of one. In some cases the child might refuse the comfort offered by the parent. Such children, when adults are reluctant to become close to others and worry that their partner won't reciprocate the same feelings. This results in frequent breakups and the individual seems to be distraught after the end of a relationship
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT CHARACTERISTICS
Such children are grown with parents who are either emotionally or physically absent or both. Such children tend to avoid their parental comfort and contact. They often prefer strangers over their parents or caregiver. Such children, when adults try to avoid emotional intimacy in a relationship and have little to no effect when the relationship ends. They try to avoid getting into a relationship by giving various excuses.
DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT CHARACTERISTICS
Parents of such children didn't provide a safe place for them to grow. The child loves them, but also fears them. In this case, the child is confused about how their caregiver will respond to their needs. They want to seek support, but are also scared of doing so. The child in later stages may take a parental role and act like the caregiver of the parent. Most psychologists believe that this is one of the most difficult of the three insecure attachment styles to deal with.
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